Being a mother, an American mother, in China is hard. I feel like I am constantly bothering the kids about everything. Give me your hand (there is a huge truck coming right at us), wash your face (I see signs of coal), don't forget the purrell (there was no soap in the "bathrooms"--and I use that term generously). So many imminent dangers, it is hard to relax. I look around for the other Chinese moms who are harrassing their kids but alas, there are few moms and even fewer dads playing with kids or walking them to schools. Most Chinese children, we are learning are taken care of and even live with their grandparents. As one mom here put it, we are too busy for kids (her child is just four months old but living with her in-laws). Obvious advantages to this and certainly efficient in many ways; the young parents can return to work without having to get up at night, no taking kids to school, and certain no endless badgering to stay clean and out of harm's way. Yet, as I walked the kids in today -- on Julia's 8th birthday -- and thought of where I was eight years ago and how Jeff and I worried about Hana (who was safely and very happily at our friend's hom) we talked about what our future child would be like. The last ten years of being a parent have no parallel and, as many know, few words to describe what is like to be a parent. One is so important, so powerful, and so powerless; you are, you are living in the moment and soaking up all that is worthwhile and good in life. Parenthood undoubtedly has its bad days but for whatever reason, they are usually hard to remember.
I cried today as we dropped the girls off, just as I have every other day this first week of Chinese school, but I often still tear up as I drop the girls off at school in the U.S. And like in Lincoln, the girls run off; usually Hana turns out for a last wave and Julia runs into the embrace of a friend with an ear-to-ear smile. Today it was Hana who was embrace by a friend and Julia turned around to make sure we watched her follow all the other black haired children in the school gates.
So there Jeff and I stood, both beaming with pride and me with a tear forming...and the grandparents stood around with similar smiles, perhaps feeling that these are the best days in their lives..being the parents they never were. We have decided that as the girls grow up and have their own children, we too will be Chinese grandparents (if our kids allow). By the time our kids have kids America may, in fact, be more like China and parents truly will not have time for their kids. Oh, what they will miss!
5 comments:
my dear sister, you are the best parents!the girls are going to be fine in this ugly world, they will be part of making things better, i just know it. you have given them wonderful experiences, and memories they will never forget. i love you little sister!! xxoo
Dear Patrice, I was moved by your comments. I think Hana and Julia are truly blessed to have you and Jeff as their parents. Also we are all blessed to have some great young people to make our world better. With any luck they will be the examples!!. love, Val
Dear Patrice,
I could certainly identify with your comments on parenthood. Your comments touched me deeply and made me know how fortunate we are to have you in our family. You and Jeff are the very best parents ! I know the girls are gaining so much from these experiences that you have made possible for them. It is so good that you both are aware of how precious everyday is with your children. We love and miss each of you, Mimi and Pop
Miss a day on the blog and... wow. YOU know, I am sitting here with tears streaming. As usual. Well, Patty, you're right. So true, what you've said. The grandparents are living the good life in China, that's for sure. Someday the "parents" will realize that. But their reality is so different from ours -- so many different pressures on them than on us. After all, they are seeking "opportunities" for themselves that will ultimately, they believe, help their children. So, it's hard to really knock them completely when they live by a completely different paradigm. That said, my parents look at our generation and think we're "on to it" better than they were when they were in our shoes. Maybe that's the difference between having babies when you're 30-something vs. 20-something? We'd already had our knock-about days by the time we married and started having kids. and were ready for a family... who knows? I don't. Anyway love, you are the best --- mother, friend. xoxoxoxoxox Miss you!
Finally, I can read some comments...so many great women in my life!!
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