We are all enjoying our China adventure but after this weekend, spending some time with Chinese friends and eating at yet another banquet, we realize we have a long way to go in our attempt to figure things out here. Last night we realized the one of the great things about travel is you are constantly challenged. Every day is a new word...or many more, you figure out how to mail or letter..or how not to..and you are constantly thinking about how this world and culture is different from your own. It is natural to make comparisons and to look for the similarities, because we all know or hope, that we all basically the same and, thus, the differences cannot be that great.
In fact, in some ways the differences are so great; most Americans could not imagine how hard Chinese people work. The construction sites are a 7 day 24 hour endeavor, the workers live on site in temporary housing and just work...they are, supposedly from rural areas, coming here for the good jobs and the allure of the city, but I doubt if they ever make it down to the city center or enjoy local food. I suspect that after 10-12 hours of hard labor, they sit around, smoke cigarettes and enjoy each other's company. There is no denying it, Chinese are incredibly social and enjoy communal life. (Is this a difference with Americans who spend so much time alone and with their TVS?)
The other unfamiliar reality is how average people life; the people who look just like you and me...work at the university, are teachers, or are deans of colleges live in apartments that are far worse than our college dorms or the shabbiest house on your block. Most of you reading this don't even have a shabby house on your block...and these are not even houses but are roughly the size a small new york city apartment with three rooms for four people...but w/out any of the standard features...ie clean walls, a decent bathroom, or even a kitchen to speak of.
Even though we have been here a week, I must say that I didn't expect this...I somewhat expected my well-dressed, polished colleagues to have homes like mine...or better. What world do I really inhabit? Do I really consider myself well-travelled? I keep reminding myself that it is easy to make assumptions and to search for the similarities when, in fact, there are so many differences.
Yet, and note the third difference here..is the level of generosity and the hospitality. By our count last night, we have been taken to elaborate feasts 5 times..more than one per week. This does not include all the other ways people have tried to welcome us to China, Xi'an and our neighborhood. The gifts that the girls receive at school...most hand-made by the kids themselves..I am not sure how people pay for these feasts and gifts, but they somehow feel that they must and that it is still not enough..and then they apologize for any lack of perfections or problems and misunderstandings we may have in China. They certainly know there are big differences between China and the U.S...and they apologize for our discomfort here...(by God, we asked for this...didn't we? Are we uncomfortable?? I would be embarrassed to detail the minor irritations)
Finally..at least for this week....is the desire here for harmony..which is largely lacking in the U.S. either on a personal or public level. Here, rather than speaking one's mind and "setting things straight" or someone straight, there is search and a real effort made for cooperation and harmony. We had a little problem at the girls' school...the children were getting too excited about the blond American girls and our girls were feeling overwhelmed..The very next day, I was in the school for a full hour of discussion...and reassurance. The specific problem was never addressed directly (never talk about problems directly ), but I thanked them for their efforts, time and patience and they thanked me for raising hard working, well behaved daughters who bring freshness and excitement ..and English..to their classrooms.
While we sat complimenting each other and developing strategies for the other kids to adjust and my girls to feel more comfortable, a fellow teacher was scolding some boys for bad behavior. (so, yet another difference...discipline is an absolute requirement in school and teachers RULE!! Yes, Ms. Nore..you read that correctly and parents even thank teachers for being strict...! Frankly. that teacher scared me and I doubt if those boys misbehaved again.)
In some ways, I feel like we just arrived when I was struggling to say thank you and figure out where to buy water...In other ways, we have all come a long way..Julia now understands her playmates more at school and we can all order in restaurants. Yet, we have so much more to figure out..and I guess that's why we are here..to figure out more about China, but also our own country and ourselves... as for me now, I promise to start each day with something that I am grateful for...and today, I am truly grateful for this experience. What a gift!
1 comment:
Hi guys,
Hope you have fruitful and fulfilling experience in China. It seems you already have.
Many of the differences that you have cited in China compare to the life in U.S. are in fact similarities when you compare it to life in Iraq. Well, I don't know if what we have now qualifies to be called Iraq because it is continuously changing and people are effected by it.
However, the generosity, discipline at school which includes hitting, and people spending time with each more than with their electronic devices are all similarities for Iraq.
Could it be that these are common features of Asian countries? Maybe not, because life probably is different in Japan and South Korea compare to China.
I wonder if the lack of technological advancement is the reason why we see the differences between life in U.S. and China?
Adil
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